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Simple Comments (June 13, 2011)
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Here is the link to my storybook, King Arthur Stories


  1. Hi! I am really looking forward to reading your King Arthur storybook. It seems like they are going to be really interesting. I have not read much about King Arthur but I am glad someone is writing stories that are more focused on him rather than his knights.

    It seems like you have a clear and thorough idea of what you are going to be writing, which is great. For the first story, I like the idea of getting to the climax faster. That will really help make the story easier and more exciting to read.

    Have you thought about how you’re going to write the stories? Will you use older language/dialect (“ye” and “nay”) or will you make it more modern? It would definitely be easier to write and read a more modern version but it could be fun to use an older dialect.

    I’m especially looking forward to the third story, which will show the impact such an important character can have on others. It all sounds so interesting. Anyways, good luck with your storybook! I can’t wait to see how it ends up.

  2. Hi Andrew!

    First of all, I am not familiar with a lot of the King Arthur stories, so I am very excited to read more. I like how your introduction's first paragraph describes the overview of your progression of stories. Are you intentionally steering away from only telling stories about the knights? I would make this clear and your reasoning behind leaning away from that here. In your retelling of Excalibur, I am excited to see you emphasize the importance of Arthur obtaining the sword. For your Morgan Le Fay introduction, I thought you did a great job of explaining common contradictions of her character development in stories. I am excited to see your emphasis on her true character and how that fits into Arthur and his motives. I like how your retelling includes the long term effects of the characters after Arthur's death. I would also like to see more of Arthur's relations within the love triangle you mentioned, which would bridge this gap leading up to his death. Afterall, it sounds like the main purpose of your stories is to focus on King Arthur's life. I am so excited to read your first story!

  3. Hi Andrew!

    I think that this is a great start to your storybook project, and I'm really interested to see where you take it from here! You do a good job of outlining in your introduction exactly what you plan on doing with this project, and giving the reader just enough information to have an idea of what to expect. One thing that might be interesting to consider for you, though, would be point of view. It might be a fun idea to give the storybook from the point of view of one of your main characters, for example (maybe Morgan Le Fay is relating to us the events which transpired concerning her cousin, Arthur, or maybe Lancelot is telling us about his best friend), or even the perspective of someone who isn't a main character, such as a handmaiden, servant, janitor in King Arthur's castle, etc. Just an idea, so go with whatever you want to do, though! Good luck with your storybook!

    (Also, as a sidenote, one of the stories I'm considering for my storybook deals with King Arthur's knights, but from a very different perspective! I'm doing stories told by Marie de France, a French author who lived in England during the Medieval time period, and you might be interested to see how she portrays King Arthur, Queen Guinivere, and the knights - it's very different from any of the English stories!)

  4. Hello Andrew! First of all, I wanted to say that I enjoy how many pictures/illustrations you included on your website so far! Having those medieval type of pictures sets the scene for your stories well and they are nice to look at as well. As for your introduction page, I would suggest removing the last few sentences of the first paragraph since they are reiterated later in the following paragraphs and seem a bit redundant. However, I do like how you give a short description of each story and build it up for the reader before they read it! It creates a bit more interest and influences readers to continue reading and find out what happens. Another small suggestion is adjusting the navigation to your comment wall, because I had to go from your website to your blog and then find the comment wall to comment. Otherwise, I am excited to read more of your stories throughout the semester, great job!

  5. Hi Andrew,

    I can't wait it read your stories as you publish them on your project. I like that in your first story you skip all the lengthy detail and get right to the point. Arthur finds the sword and is King. I too wondered how that just automatically allows him qualification be king. I cannot wait until you answer that in your story. I like that you are also doing a story on Morgan L Fay. When I was younger, I use to read the book series the Magic Tree House, I think that was what it was called. It stars Morgan Le Fey as the main character except of course she was good. I think that both good and negative connotations of her makes her very understood. I think the way you will address that issue in your story would be fun to read about. The love triangle between Arthur, Guinevere, and Lancelot would interesting piece to read about. Would you ship Arthur and Guinevere first and when Arthur dies then Lancelot is given a chance at the maiden. Overall, I can't wait to read your story.

  6. Hey Andrew, you got a great introduction going on here. I like how you broke down and explained what you were going to do in each part of the story and went ahead and did it. The first story you got was pretty interesting. I personally have never read Arthur so this is pretty informative to me. The only story I read from the knights of the round table would be the story about Gawain and the Green Knight. You know what thing that I was really curious about when I was reading was why Arthur is the way he is and then I realized that you skipped the background stuff. I personally really enjoy and like some background so that I can understand where the character is coming from. It helps build them up! Perhaps you could add a little bit more about Arthur's childhood or maybe just some main importat stuff and that could really bring this to life!

  7. Hello Andrew!

    I really enjoyed your short and sweet version of the story! I just wanted to draw your attention to a few errors I noticed while reading your first story. In the first paragraph, there are two errors in the fifth and sixth sentences from the end. One was "the water 3 front of him" and the other was "got his word back out." I assume you meant to say "the water in front of him" and "got his sword back out." I liked how you added the minions as a sort of test to test Arthur's worth, it adds a little more action early on in the story which definitely makes it more interesting. I also liked how you make Arthur the bigger man and instead of beheading the king, allow him to leave warn him to never return. I think it makes Arthur a more forgiving and that's an important characteristic for a king to have.

    Good luck on the rest of your project! I'm sure it'll be a great one!

  8. Hi Andrew! I liked how you broke down your project. You don't mean to make the stories you write a mystery. Instead, you want to explore some of the questions you have within the plot of the stories, which is a cool way to interact with a story! I think it is a hard balance between giving the reader the information to understand your questions and keeping aspects of the stories a mystery. I wonder how you will enlighten the readers about some of Morgan's inner thoughts and motivations. Will you write that story in first person or will you give the reader insight into some of her thoughts? I'm interested in finding out how you answer the questions you have! You seem to know quite a bit about King Arthur and his adventures; what if you included more of your connection with the stories in your introduction? I can't wait to read some of your stories as the semester continues.


  9. In the first paragraph, "Unbeknownst to him his good Merlin..." seems a bit clunky. Did you mean to say, "...his good friend, Merlin..."? Also, why did Merlin give Arthur dreams about him becoming the king of Camelot? Who is Uther Pendragon, and why were he and the rest of Arthur's family murdered? How is Arthur the true heir to the throne?

    When Arthur tries to retrieve the sword, I want to know more about how Arthur was able to fight so experiencedly despite his lack of real combat and beyond what he had practiced. Your sentences, "While he had never fought anyone except for trees and other people with wooden swords his mind felt sharp." and "He was parrying and doing moves he had only heard about, but it felt so fluid, so Arthur went with it. " filled me with interest. Why is Arthur so naturally gifted in his first real combat? Is it a magical trait in his bloodline? Is Arthur blessed by God to become king (which was a common belief in the European middle ages)?

  10. Hi Andrew,

    In your introduction you say, "what happens when gets back to Camelot." Did you mean to add another word in there? The wording seemed a little off and could be quickly fixed by adding another word! I liked that you mentioned changing the perspective of Morgan. I'm looking forward to reading that story down the line.

    Another part I was a little confused about was you mentioned that Queen Guinevere is the wife of King Arthur. Then later you say that we often don't know who Guinevere ends up with. It sounded to me like she ended up with King Arthur but was unfaithful to him? Later on, in that paragraph you say in quotes " What if Arthur had died from old age instead of in batter?" I wasn't sure if you had meant to say battle instead of batter.

    Overall, I like the way you split the paragraphs up for the readers to go through easier. In your first story you preface each chunk of text with a title which I thought was a good touch. Keep up the good work and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!

  11. Hey Andrew!

    I really enjoyed this storybook. Your introduction was fantastic. It was detailed but not overwhelming and prepared me for what I was about to read. For someone who doesn’t know a lot about the King Arthur stories, this was really helpful! The design of the website looks great. I was impressed by the high quality images you found for each page. I focused on the Excalibur story. Your decision to divide the tale up into three chunks under bolded titles was a good one! It helped me not get lost in the story. Have you considered giving a bit more background on Merlin? It probably isn’t needed, I just enjoy that character. I thought the use of “Ursher” was funny and creative. Maybe you could go into more detail about how he was a “cruel and unjust” king by talking about his actions. This is excellent overall and I’m excited to see how you continue this project! Great job.

  12. Hey there Andrew! I just had the opportunity to take a look at your project so far. I really was interested to see what you were going to do with your project because I am focusing on King Arthur and his knights as well, but in a much different setting...and ER! I love how you decided to present the project in an original and fitting was for King Arthur and liked how you started off with him. Your introduction was great because it gave a bit of background information as to what the reader should expect without being too overwhelming with information about stories that were to come in the future. I thought that you did a great job in presenting the characters that you have chosen to write about so far, and the decision to split things up within the pages of your project was such a great idea! I look forward to checking out your project in the future!

  13. Hi Andrew,

    I love and thereof your stories!! My favorite one was the one on Morgan Le Fay. I really love what you did with the story and the message behind it. I think your author's note did a good job explaining your intent with the story. It was nice that you took bits and pieced from different stories on Morgan and made your own woven version of her story. It was a nice call to keep her powers and the events that transpired in the house mysterious. It kept me in my toes wondering what happened. I like that you gave Morgan the chance to be good. It was tragic what happened to her ad because of this event, it turned her evil and consumed her whole life. It was nice to give her the chance at redemption and for her to acknowledge her mistakes and grow from them. It was a nice message to readers that anyone chance change their outlooks for the better! Good son on your story.

  14. Hi Andrew!

    I just read the readings about King Arthur last week so I'm glad I came across your project and was able to read through your version of the stories. In the introduction you did a great job of breaking down and letting the readers know what to expect out of your storybook. In your first story, I like the part you added about the Lady of the Lake testing him! I didn't remember reading anything about it but your author's note does a great job at mentioning why you did that. And then in the story about Morgan le Fay, I like how you changed the story to show that she ends up being good because in some stories she is portrayed as this evil enchantress. And then in the final story, I really like how you changed Arthur's opinion on Guinevere and Lancelot, and how he gives them his approval. Overall, I like how you have kept most of the stories the same but also changed up some big details to make a happy ending. Also, I really like the banner images you have used for all of your pages! Good job on this storybook!

  15. Hi Andrew! Nice job on your storybook project! It looks like everything came together well. Your website looks very professional, and all of the images that you used really added to your theme and your stories. Your introduction does a nice job of breaking down exactly what your stories will be about without giving too much away.

    I like how your stories are each broken up into smaller sections. I think that this makes it easier to know exactly what to focus on. The structure of the third story is great. I would recommend putting your first two stories into more short paragraphs like the third. The long blocks of text can make it more difficult to follow. I think that your author’s notes also provides good information that explains where your ideas came from. It was really fun to read these stories because I recognized so many of the characters, and I think you did a great job of putting your own spin on them. Good job!


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